Insomnia & Anxiety: Julie’s First Post

It’s 6 a.m. and I am wide awake. I can’t sleep and yet I am exhausted and just want to go home. I have been in New Orleans for four days and went straight from there to do salon training in Minnesota. The temperature difference alone went from the 70’s to the 20’s, Ouch! Not to mention the fun part of traveling: like the 30 minute delay because the previous flight didn’t get there on time, the 45 minute delay on the tarmac after that because of maintenance issues and my computer black screening on me while I was actually trying to accomplish something during all of this.

I keep telling myself get used to it, but delays are never easy. In my mind they will get better because there isn’t any place we have to be, but we all know it will still tick us off.

I have been traveling nonstop for the last three months. It is crazy because I just want to be at home. I still have at least 3 more weeks of traveling before I can actually be at home and then I leave for a long time in January. I am constantly wondering why am I leaving, but I know why. It will be worth it.

I have been waiting to tell work of my departure because the timing has not been right. I have gone over the scenario time and time again in my head. After all of those scenarios I will most likely just blurt it out. Six days left until the cat is out of the bag. It will be a huge stress reliever. Right now, I am constantly trying to watch what I say and how I say it. I have almost slipped up so many times. The best is when I hear people complaining about things and they ask for my opinion. You want to say don’t care won’t be here, but you can’t. The truth is it has actually taken me awhile to grasp that concept. A few weeks ago I was very stressed out about everything at work and my mother finally told me, “You just need to detach yourself.” Easier said than done, but I have been working on it.

As the weeks have went by it is easier. Once Monday is behind me it will be a whole lot easier. The more and more I get closer to leaving the more and more I am starting to realize just how much I need to get done for me. No I don’t want to leave anyone high and dry, but are they really going to care when I don’t have the stuff I need done when I am gone?

I jumped out of the gates really trying to prepare myself for this trip and then I just stopped. I now realize the main thing I have done is I bought clothes that I probably won’t even take because it will be too much for my backpack. Also, I am going to freeze. In my daydreaming head I was thinking we were chasing the sun and forgot about how cold it is going to be in the mountains at night. I will let everyone know how my trial run goes on actually packing.

I have been too busy with work, yoga or just being tired. I always said I had plenty of time. Well, I don’t anymore. I knew this would happen and did it anyway. There were a fair amount times I put off doing things because friends would say you have to do this or that because I am not going to see you for a long time. All of that must stop if I am ever going to get even close to what I want done before I leave.

It is December and I am running out of time. I need to focus on everything that has to be done and just say “no” to everything else. It will not be easy for me. On Monday I tell work, and everything will change for the better. I can’t wait to no longer hide this huge secret from so many people I see day to day.